Pinned Tweet
I will die on this hill by saying Twitter was better when it was a 140 character limited joke community, instead of the current engagement farming / Facebook type updates.
I’m late to the game but going to share my Japan pics on Snapchat. Send me your handles if you’d like to see
I love when corporate executives brag about their commitment to racial diversity. Mostly because watching them sweat through a sensitivity seminar makes it so much easier to fire them for cause.
Dean retweeted
I’m eating an open-faced chicken sandwich on fresh bread with garden tomatoes that I didn’t have to make because I’ve been dealing with hip pain all day. More men like this, please.
It’s been a while, but to those in the dog world, my lovely Lola passed yesterday. After an ACL reconstruction, late onset blindness and diabetes. It was time.
I am totally shattered.
Blockbuster wasn’t just a video store. It was a sacred weekend pilgrimage. Kids today will never know the struggle of VHS fines
Marriage is mostly just texting ‘do we need anything from the store?’ to the person you just had a full conversation with 5 minutes ago
Me: [as a ghost, watching chalk line being drawn around my body after being murdered] that is mostly water retention
Me: I'm going to sleep
Brain: I don’t think so
Me: Fine, I'll stay awake
Body: this isn’t how it works







