High Value Dad

“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” — C.S. Lewis

I was dog tired today after work. I lifted hard today. All I wanted to do was lay down. But the based dad who lives in my head told me I’m quickly running out of years where my sons will beg to hang out with me. So I got my ass up & pretended to do landscaping for an hour 🫡

Made a little upgrade to the mountain house. Maybe splurged a little bit on the hot tub. However, as you can see by the look on my face as I look at my youngest son, the memories we made in them today are worth more than I could have spent.

Pro tip: Have REAL talks with your very young children. I'm not talking about "how was your day?" Clear some time for boundless conversations. A couple nights ago, I took my son, 6, out to the front porch swing. I had no agenda. I asked him, "How are you feeling about life?" Then I shut up and let him lead the conversation. We talked for about 10 minutes straight. He told me about his struggles with some buddies in kindergarten. He asked me how people can create things if God is the Creator. (My answer: We were created in His image. He gave up the ability to create things with all of the things he created, like wood for houses and metal for wires). That led him to look up at the moon and say how grateful he was for the beautiful world He created for us. It was a very, very special time to me. I kind of wish I had recorded it.

This morning, my son absolutely demolished me. He asked me to play the song I wrote for him. So I did. Then he wrote "da da" on his sketch pad. Confused, I asked him why. What he said struck me to my very core. "I wanted to give this to you from when I was a baby so you can keep it in your heart. But I'll never be like that again because I'm big now." Good lord, my son. 😭

I almost robbed my son of something invaluable. I learned a powerful lesson with my oldest son this week. It’s one that is very difficult for me to put into practice, but vitally important for all of us as fathers. For context, I nearly lost my son after a dog attack when he was about 18 months old. It continues to be a source of trauma and fear. I struggle at times to let him take risks. The need to keep him “safe” is forever ingrained in me. I took him to an indoor “playground,” thinking it was exactly that. However, it was more of an obstacle course, with much of it 50 feet in the air. As they strapped my son into a harness, I immediately began to feel the anxiety. “What have I gotten us into?” I thought. To my surprise, he confidently marched up the stairs to the top of the course. He was at the absolute youngest age eligible to participate. All the other kids were much older and bigger. My son was only 5! About halfway through the course, the fear of what he was doing hit him. He looked down. “Daddy, I don’t want to do this,” he shouted, gripping onto the wires for dear life. My instinct was to have him rescued; to get him away from danger (even though he was in no actual danger). One of the staff members went out to meet him where he was. I bit my tongue. The staffer told him there was no option to turn back. He had to see it through. He guided my son along until he got to the final stage: the open zip line. I could see the fear on his face. Everything in me wanted to go up there and carry him down myself, to just get him back on the ground. He jumped. He did it. He made it. “Thank God that’s over.” I fully expected him to come down and say he was done with this place. Then something amazing happened: he said he wanted to do it again. This time, he didn’t ask the staff member to go with him. He wanted to do it by himself. And he did! Then he did it again. And again. And again. I was floored. In that moment, I really contemplated what I would have robbed my son of if I would have let my own fears control my reaction. I would have stolen his confidence, his persistence, his courage. These are the moments in which we build our boys into men. It’s hard. It’s scary. But it’s the only way. We must let them struggle and push their limits if they are to reach their God-given potential. We cannot rescue them. What I thought would be a day of monkey bars and trampolines ended up being one of those cornerstone moments where I saw my son begin taking steps on his journey to becoming a man. I am grateful. On the ride home, I told my son how proud of him I was for overcoming his fears. He said something I will never, ever forget: “Sometimes, something is scary because you’ve never done it before. But then you do it and you practice and you get better and it’s not scary at all.” Once again, my son was teaching me lessons. So let your kids struggle. Let them fail. Let them learn. It’s the only way.

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When was the last time you took stock of your mission? So much respect for Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butler. For this to be his reflection after the biggest day of his career speaks volumes.