hoffcomedy retweeted
"I'm worried that radical leftists will enter my home, sample my gingham-lined wicker basket of pecan sandies, sneer at my Teapots Of Many Lands collection, mix my navy socks with my charcoal socks, rearrange my Hardy Boys paperbacks and bring chaos to my marmalade spoons"
As bitchy as Old Testament God could be, he never unleashed a plague that killed the old people to save city bazaar. #trumpsucks #CoronavirusLockdown #hoffcomedy
Tweet from me 12 weeks from now: “Sizing up which of my neighbor’s pets I’ll eat first.” #hoffcomedy #QuarantineLife #trumpsucks
Drumpf’s press conference: he keeps talking about how the things he’s working on are “exciting.” Feckless dumbshit. #trumpsucks #hoffcomedy #trumpisthecrisis
With all these celebrations/talking heads Skyping into shows from their homes, we get to see which ones are slobs or have no taste.
The Danes are gonna see you in HELL! (Especially you damn Swedes and hillbilly Norwegian!) #copenhell #lutheran #hoffcomedy #damnswedes
BREAKING NEWS: Trump announced that he’s assigning man who invented Filet O Fish to develop Coronavirus vaccine. “He made a tasty sandwich, I’m sure he’ll make a delicious vaccine.” #trumpcomedy #hoffcomedy #trumpsucks #Trumpcoronavirus
BREAKING NEWS: Trump offers to turn Indian landmark into bankrupt casino. “Where are all the hamburgers in this shithole country?” #trumpcomedy #hoffcomedy #trumpsucks
BREAKING NEWS: Trump Campaign 2020 hires Houston Astros. “They play baseball like I do my taxes...totally honestly.”
BREAKING NEWS: Trump pardons Hannibal Lecter. “Totally railroaded by lying FBI. Smart guy...good with fava beans.” #trumppardons #favabeans #trumpcomedy
