El Iroko

Actually, this works better to keep gaining more weight. To efficaciously (& sustainably) lose weight one needs to know (thru a root cause analysis) 1st how & why the weight has been gained, and what its distribution in the body is. Then a strategy to eliminate it can be formed.

Do you know how crazy it is that some of the tribal identities we are so fixated on were engineered by Oyinbo? Let’s use the “Yoruba peoples” tribal identity as an instance. The Yoruba tribal peoplehood was artificially engineered for easier colonial administration. We were not a monolithic group. The Ẹkiti, Òndó, Ìjẹ̀bú, Ẹgba, Ìjẹ̀ṣà, Ìgbómìnà and others were not always “Yorubas.” If you time-travelled to 1825 and insisted that an Ẹgba person was Yoruba, they might not only be confused — it is likely that they could be offended. Treating Yoruba as an ancient, primordial tribe is anachronistic and historically indefensible. It is well documented that the word “Yoruba” was an exonym — a tag given by outsiders. Ahmad Baba of Timbuktu used “Yariba” around 1613–1615 for the Oyo. Northern traders (Hausa and others) applied it specifically to the Oyo peoples. In fact, there is no evidence of self-use of the word Yoruba by the precolonial Oyo peoples themselves as a broad ethnic label, and none whatsoever among the non-Oyo groups. During the Kiriji Wars (1877–1893), the Ẹkiti-Parapọ alliance (Ẹkiti, Ìjẹ̀ṣà and allies including elements of Ìjẹ̀bú, Ẹgba, Ìgbómìnà and others) fought the Ibadan military state (heir to Oyo imperial power) for autonomy. It was not Yoruba fighting Yoruba — they were independent nations fighting to protect their sovereignty. So how did everyone become Yoruba? The colonialists homogenized all of us by mechanically standardizing the Ọ̀yọ́-Ìbàdàn speech into a uniform, artificial written language called Yorùbá Àjùmọ̀lò. Samuel Ajayi Crowther’s 1843 Vocabulary of the Yoruba Language (and subsequent Bible work) was based on the Oyo dialect. To save money on printing Bibles and schoolbooks, European recategorized distinct languages as “local dialects.” Then, through Lord Lugard’s Native Authority system after the 1914 Amalgamation (formalized in the Native Authority Ordinance of 1916 and later revisions), the British state turned this missionary work into a tool of governance. Our ancestors became stuck in rigid “tribal” census categories, they appointed standardized rulers to collect taxes, and turned sovereign citizens of independent city-states and republics into predictable, manageable colonial subjects. Yes, this identity is real today. But its reality is relatively modern, administrative, and politically charged, not primordial. Many of us mistakenly wear our tribal identity as though it were a sacrosanct, eternal or primordial delineation: it is not. Like the Yoruba tribal categorization, many others are just neat little folders they fostered to organize us. If it was a bond formed for your enemy’s convenience, then it is malleable enough to be reformed for strategic survival, defense, and collective prosperity.

Pan-Africanist: Africa is poor because Europeans spent centuries exploiting our resources. Normal African: Colonialism was exploitative. But who controls those resources today? Pan-Africanist: African governments, technically. But Western corporations still benefit. Normal African: Who signs the contracts with those corporations? Pan-Africanist: Our corrupt leaders. Normal African: And who receives the money? Pan-Africanist: Our corrupt leaders. Normal African: So why is your revolution always directed at London and Paris instead of the presidential palace down the road? Pan-Africanist: Because you don't understand how neocolonialism works. Normal African: Apparently, it works by making African presidents steal money and buy mansions in the countries they claim are oppressing us. Pan-Africanist: You're oversimplifying centuries of systemic exploitation. Normal African: Fair enough. Let's talk about solutions. How do we become economically independent? Pan-Africanist: We must reject Western dependency and build African institutions. Normal African: Excellent. Where should we start? Pan-Africanist: Education, technology, infrastructure, manufacturing. Normal African: Agreed. Why haven't we done that? Pan-Africanist: Because Western powers deliberately keep Africa underdeveloped. Normal African: So the West is powerful enough to prevent 54 African countries from developing, but somehow powerless to stop China, South Korea, Singapore and other former poor countries from industrializing? Pan-Africanist: Their historical circumstances were different. Normal African: Exactly. So perhaps we should study what they did differently instead of treating history as a permanent excuse. Pan-Africanist: You sound like someone who worships white people. Normal African: I thought we were discussing economics. Pan-Africanist: Economics cannot be separated from colonial history. Normal African: Neither can it be separated from present-day leadership, corruption, productivity, education and institutions. Pan-Africanist: Africa needs leaders like Thomas Sankara. Normal African: Sankara received formal education and military training through institutions established under French colonial rule. Should we acknowledge that too? Pan-Africanist: That's colonial mentality. He used their knowledge against them. Normal African: Wonderful. So we agree that knowledge is useful regardless of who introduced it? Pan-Africanist: You're missing the point. Normal African: I'm beginning to suspect the point is that everything good is African resistance and everything bad is European influence. Pan-Africanist: We must decolonize the African mind! Normal African: Can we first fix the public hospital? Pan-Africanist: You cannot fix institutions without first liberating the African mind. Normal African: The hospital has had no medicine for three weeks. Pan-Africanist: That's the legacy of colonialism. Normal African: The health minister just bought himself a new Range Rover. Pan-Africanist: You really need to read more African history. Normal African: And you need to read the Auditor-General's report.

First person to get 3 cones wins. A very tired mother invented this game! 😂😂

All women are whimsical & playful by nature. If that energy is blocked, it’s because she doesn’t feel safe enough with her man or because there are a lot of stressors in her life. High cortisol forces the nervous system to stay in survival mode, which is what dims a woman’s glow

So this physiotherapist I met at the hospital told me she was going to charge me 18k last to coach my dad per session.😳😳 I negotiated for 15k with 'abeg' so she can take him on 2 sessions first. She vehemently refused😭 This morning at the gym, I told my coach about it and asked if he can take him. My coach checked his schedule and said yes he can. 4 days a week for a month. He started today and he had the most productive session with him. Guess how much? 30k😳! I didn't even price. I just paid sharply!

Carry your back pain that’s from metastatic ca to the spine or multiple myeloma to a physio as first contact first.

The first welcome I received in my shared house three years ago in the UK was when someone stole my jollof rice… and even helped themselves to fish and turkey from different bowls. Funny enough, I knew who it was, so I reported it to my landlord. Do you know what this man told me? “Don’t be too angry. Be happy you fed someone who was hungry. Your reward is in heaven.” I just looked at him and laughed, emi ika So the next time I wanted to cook jollof rice, the thief entered the kitchen while I was cooking so I asked, “Do you mind jollof rice?” The remaining statement stayed in my head: ”…before you steal another plate🙄” She said she doesn’t eat Nigerian food. Me in my head: “don’t sha steal my rice”(mind you, She was Ghanaian.) I cooked my rice, packed it into seven takeaway packs, and kept them in the fridge… i woke up the next morning… Two packs had disappeared. Along with 3 pcs of big chicken…. That day, I didn’t report anybody. I entered everybody’s section of the fridge and carried food. Milk. Snacks. Indian food I don’t even eat. Everything I saw.. One lady had just ordered Turkish food. She was microwaving it, went to have a shower.. I picked it up too entered my room, ate part of it, dusted my bed and slept peacefully. My phone was vibrating nonstop. The house group chat was on fire. “Who took my food?” “Where’s my milk?” “Who took my snacks?” My landlord later messaged me privately to ask if I knew anything about it. I told him, “They should be grateful they fed an orphan. Isn’t the reward in heaven?” Three days later, he installed CCTV in the kitchen. That’s how we all stopped feeding the orphanage. My landlord will never forget me.

I said goodbye to an American family at eight o'clock. I left at 9:40. Nothing went wrong. Nobody stopped me. I stood up, I said thank you, and then a ritual began, and I did not know it was a ritual until I was already inside it. The first goodbye happens sitting down. This one is false. You say "well" and then you do not move. I moved. That was my first error. The second goodbye happens standing. There is new conversation here. Better conversation. The finest stories of the entire evening are told after everyone has agreed to leave. They save their best material for the retreat. This is a nation that fights hardest on the way out the door. The third goodbye happens at the door. The door is open. Cold air is entering the house and nobody acknowledges the cold air. A woman named Deb told me about her sister's kitchen for eleven minutes with a screen door tapping against her shoulder the entire time. Then the porch. Then the driveway. At the driveway the husband got involved. He had barely spoken at dinner. In the driveway he became a different man entirely and told me about a tree. I don't remember anything about the tree. I remember that he was happy. Then leftovers arrived. At the car. Which means someone went back inside and made a plate while I stood in the dark, and nobody asked that person to do it. Nobody ordered that. The supply train left on its own. I got in the car. I believed I had won. My window was down because it was warm out. That was my final error. Deb remembered one more thing. Here is what I have learned since. You do not say goodbye. You say "I should get going," which starts a clock nobody looks at. Then, some time later, the host says "well, I'll let you go." That is the permission. Only the host can grant it. I had been trying to leave without it, like a man walking out of a castle without being dismissed. I now announce that I should get going one hour before I intend to get going. An American friend confirmed this is correct procedure. He also told me his grandmother once said "I'll let you go" and then talked for twenty more minutes, and he wanted me to understand that this is not a failure of the system. That is the system.

There's a reason doctors ask "and what do YOU think is causing it?" Not laziness. Data. Patients are right about their bodies more often than textbooks admit and their fear tells us what to rule out first. Your theory is part of the examination. Share it.

It took me 6 years, but I did my own back😂 My dad is pursuing a 3rd degree in Unilag, and their exams results are out. He had initially sent me one Course where he had an A and I praised him. Today, he sent me another one and he had a B, fast fast, I called him and he took a while before he picked up, once he picked the phone, I asked him, shetori ò pass lo shey gbe call me? (Is it because you didn’t pass that made you delay in picking my call) We both burst out laughing 😂 Then later, I asked again, those people that had A, how many heads did they have, Baba say na 3 heads oo. I said your mate are having A’s you carry B come here, Olodo, Baba say, Iya é Olodo😂 I just told him, I’ve been waiting to ask you that ‘’how many heads do those people have’’ question and the day finally came 😭😭.

Inside danfo this morning, the bus fare was 800 Naira. The woman beside me stretched 700 Naira to the conductor who rejected it immediately with “e gba owo yin pada jare. 800 ni moto”. The woman replied “na 700 I get my brother, no vex, my uncle” He didn’t let her land as he had already shifted attention to other passengers. He still replied “mama, mio gbo pa. E fun mi ni 800 mi. Eyin le nra epo si moto fun mi ni?” The woman kept begging, he also insisted on his full 800 naira while insulting her. The insults were getting to me and since I already gave him 1k and my 200 Naira change was with him, I said “condor, remove her remaining 100 Naira from my change, give me 100”. The woman looked at me with bad left eye reading “talo ran werey eleyi nise”. She didn’t even let me read meaning to her eyes finish before she shouted “uncle, don’t pay for me. I didn’t ask for your money. Because of 100 Naira, he has insulted me enough and you still want to pay him. Didn’t you hear all the insults? Lai lai. If he can’t accept abeg, he should getaway”. I looked at the condor, “alaye, 200 naira mi da?” He gave me my money and requested that 700 naira from her. She said “never. Upon all the insults wey you give me? If I pay you 700 after those insults, make I die”. The conductor started shouting and ready to drag her down at the next bus stop but he no fit. She said that the insults have reduced the money to 500 Naira and she stretched the 500 to him. I was just laughing. I have never seen monetized insults before. Another passenger now added that what if the conductor start praying for her, will he get his money back? She said “Yes, he should work for his balance”. I swear, this guy prayed for her from Anthony to Onipanu to collect his 200 Naira.

People hate to admit it but there is a deadline for that intense passionate “chaotic” love. After a certain age you approach everything through the lens of logic. You cannot afford to love the way you loved at 22 at 30

Atleast we now agree that doctors are wicked, egotistical, unprofessional people like every other Nigerian. We are not called by God. We are normal people that want to work, sleep, eat and get paid and go home just like Bukola from marketing.

A lady called me last night almost in tears. Her longtime friend is getting married in November and added her to the WhatsApp group. The “contribution” list: Aso Ebi – ₦95k
Surprise bridal shower – ₦50k
“Support the bride” – ₦100k Total: ₦245,000 This girl earns less than ₦200k a month. I don’t know when friendship started requiring people to go into debt or skip feeding themselves just so someone else can have a “soft life” wedding. At this point, getting invited to a wedding in Nigeria feels like receiving a bill. I told her to gift her whatever she can and exit the group.