chair 👉🏻🪑

Happy Dolloween!

In elementary school, this one girl laughed, pointed at me, and called me a “pig” after I scarfed down a Choco Taco. Well folks, last night I had the privilege of scaring the crap out of that same girl with a jumpscare and a terrifying costume. I won.

Donated my dad’s car to Kars4Kids and now they’re throwing accusations at me:

My friend Lauren INSISTED that she needed to find the “big bag” of Cheetos because the Cheetos themselves were bigger in size in the big bag. We had a heated argument in the middle of Walgreens. I am honestly still dumbfounded by her logic and I proved her wrong.

I love that I have friends who are willing to appreciate and publicly display the weird fan-art I make. This one is my favorite law and order: svu quote (“stop chasing phantom sex crimes”) in a creepy serial killer letter style with some cute stickers.

Raymond Holt out-of-context quotes are the best quotes.

Halloween, 1986. Chris was a vampire, Kim was Punky Brewster, and I was a miserable little baby bitch.

I genuinely don’t know what’s more wholesome — my mom’s use of Brooklyn 99 gifs or the fact that she refers to gifs as “symbols.”

So I have a baby mole in my house. He’s been here for almost a week and I’ve named him Titus and he’s slowly become my buddy. Lukas said, “I’m gonna kill him!” Cami said, “you can’t! He’s Nana’s only friend!” Whomp whomp whomp.

My mom told me to tell my 10-year-old nephew, Luke, that she loves him to the moon and back. His response? “Tell her I like her from heaven to hell.”

Full House, but Christopher Walken plays every character.