I found a lot more peace as a parent when I realized that some tantrums are truly unavoidable because the cause of your child’s distress is resistance to facts about how physical reality works, like you can’t be in two places at once. A child’s mind might assume it’s possible to have your cake and eat it too, and when confronted with the fact that that’s not how physical reality works, the child has to go through a grieving process that shows up as a tantrum. In those moments, your role as a parent is simply to be there for them and help them through the grieving process as best as you can, and try to choose the best tradeoffs you can on their behalf. Your continued loving presence is the important thing, even if they perceive you as the cause of their distress. It’s really hard sometimes, and sometimes you need to do some self-parenting first before you can really show up for your kid. You might have your own grieving process to work through about the fact that you can’t seem to find a way to resolve their tantrum even though you are trying really hard. There’s a painful sense of loss in those moments. A question that helps me sometimes when I feel lost is “what will my kid’s future adult self wish I had done in this moment?” And if the only answer I can come up with is “I don’t know” then I give myself some grace and try to have faith that things will work out over time as long as I keep showing up.