@stillmania

Copywriter & Humor Writer. Jokes in @TheOnion, @McSweeneys, and more.

 Chicago, IL
danielstillman.org
Joined July 2011
  • Tweets8.1K
  • Following1.5K
  • Followers698
477Media
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Elizabeth Holmes theonion.com/the-onions-excl…

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Elizabeth Holmes

You Can See Everything, a documentary that follows Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes in the month before her prison sentence, has debuted to critical acclaim. The Onion sat down with Holmes to...

theonion.com
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Timeline Of President–Press Relations theonion.com/timeline-of-pre…

Timeline Of President–Press Relations

Interactions between the president and the free press have been central to the United States since the nation’s founding. The Onion takes a look back at key moments that have shaped the executive...

theonion.com
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Political Profile: Abdul El-Sayed theonion.com/political-profi…

Political Profile: Abdul El-Sayed

Abdul El-Sayed is the Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate in Michigan. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the progressive candidate. Ethnicity: Scary-American Personal Mission:...

theonion.com
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Pros And Cons Of Using Personal AI Agents theonion.com/pros-and-cons-o…

Pros And Cons Of Using Personal AI Agents

Tech companies have begun offering personal AI agents, which can access users’ accounts and perform tasks on their behalf. The Onion examines the pros and cons of these autonomous digital assistants....

theonion.com
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Player Profile: Pete Crow-Armstrong theonion.com/player-profile-…

Player Profile: Pete Crow-Armstrong

MLB star Pete Crow-Armstrong could become the first player in Cubs history to achieve a 40-40 campaign, hitting 40 home runs and stealing 40 bases in one regular season. The Onion shares everything...

theonion.com
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What To Know About The 2026 Emmys theonion.com/what-to-know-ab…

What To Know About The 2026 Emmys

The 78th Primetime Emmy Awards will air on Monday. The Onion shares everything you need to know about this year’s ceremony.  Q: Who’s most likely to win? A: Taylor Dearden is a favorite for Outstan...

theonion.com
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Biggest Revelations From ‘Musk’ theonion.com/biggest-revelat…

Biggest Revelations From ‘Musk’

Musk, a new documentary about the SpaceX and Tesla CEO by Oscar winner Alex Gibney, premiered at the Venice Film Festival this week. Here is what the film revealed about Elon Musk: Was a bit of a...

theonion.com
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Shawn Graham theonion.com/shawn-graham/

Shawn Graham

Family and friends of Shawn Graham, 56, were shocked and saddened to learn that it costs $300 to submit an obituary to a newspaper.

theonion.com
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Daniel Stillman retweeted
Harry
@lexaprotoolsSep 5
This is the elevator antisemitic people think Jews get into every morning
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What To Know About ‘Earle Meets World’ theonion.com/what-to-know-ab…

What To Know About ‘Earle Meets World’

Influencer Alix Earle is the star of Netflix’s newest reality show, Earle Meets World. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the series. Q: Who is Alix Earle? A: Alix is a Gen Z content...

theonion.com
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Top Songs August 2025 theonion.com/top-songs-augus…

Top Songs August 2026

With the competition for song of the summer in full swing, The Onion shares the 20 most popular tracks of July.

theonion.com
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Pros And Cons Of Wearing Shorts In The Office theonion.com/pros-and-cons-o…

Pros And Cons Of Wearing Shorts In The Office

Whether shorts are office-appropriate attire has ignited an online debate. The Onion examines the pros and cons of wearing shorts in the office. PRO New scapegoat for bad quarter Good to have full...

theonion.com
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Eating Disorders: Myth Vs. Fact theonion.com/eating-disorder…

Eating Disorders: Myth Vs. Fact

An estimated 9% of Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding eating disorders.  MYTH: Most people with eating disorders are young....

theonion.com
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Daniel Stillman retweeted
Duolingo
@duolingoAug 3
reminder that i teach music btw
lauren@wrenicoleAug 1
shoutout to the WPBL anthem performance
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Duolingo
@duolingoAug 3
An illustration of Duo the Owl with a text bubble above his head saying "Let's review your mistakes!"

ALT An illustration of Duo the Owl with a text bubble above his head saying "Let's review your mistakes!"

Boomhauer
@_BoomhauerAug 3
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Pros And Cons Of Arresting Netanyahu theonion.com/pros-and-cons-o…

Pros And Cons Of Arresting Netanyahu

A new poll found that 49% of Americans believe the U.S. should arrest Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, compared with 27% who do not and 23% who are unsure. The Onion examines the pros and...

theonion.com
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Daniel Stillman retweeted
Duolingo
@duolingoJul 29
got no streak freeze sorry brotha
Shyrene.@shaikoolasaJul 29
Replying to @duolingo
@duolingo i’m not above begging, please restore my streak.
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Duolingo
@duolingoJul 28
there's been a miscast
DiscussingFilm
@DiscussingFilmJul 26
Ryan Gosling has been officially cast as Ghost Rider in the MCU.
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Duolingo
@duolingoJul 28
bold of you to ignore me just to scroll on here
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Duolingo
@duolingoJul 24
did 2 lessons instead of 1 today
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