Kat

Take a moment to do this gut check: Are you unconsciously making your partner the authority in your life because you're scared to take responsibility for yourself? HOW THIS MIGHT SHOW UP... - Deferring decision making to them: "Go ahead, you decide" - Justifying away your needs/wants to make them happy: "No, his/her needs are more important right now" - Not believing in yourself: "I don't know what to do, so I'll let him/her figure it out for me." RESULT... You put yourself in a role that is secondary to your partner. You're no longer in an equal partnership but a codependent one. Over time, that'll create resentment and fractures in the relationship. UPGRADE YOUR BELIEFS... You DO have a voice. You DO have preferences, needs, and wants. AND it's important to honor them! It's more than ok to share them with your partner. In fact, they DO want to know. They're not looking for someone to be completely reliant on them or a follower, but someone who can hold their own and be by their side. Your daily interactions and decision making choices reveal your inherent value to them when things get tough. Believing in yourself and owning responsibilities in your life make you a better life partner. Do it for yourself AND for better love. You got this!

One of the worst feelings is being in a relationship but still feeling so alone. …and if you believe in any of the following then WATCH OUT! Don’t let your relationship devolve like this. Growing up, I saw relationships like that around me—in my parents, their friends, and on tv. They perpetuated the belief that relationships deteriorate over time because of all their extensive history and past conflicts together. “The lazy husband that stopped making an effort” “The wife that won’t stop nagging” “The ball and chain” “They’ll eventually cheat” “That’s just how it is” is how they explained it away. …except for one of their friends. Her husband still wrote her love letters and love notes. He still gave her flowers out of the blue. They still made the effort to go out on dates. Because of them, I chose to adopt a different belief—a relationship can deepen and get even better over time. Those “stale” relationships turn into that because the couple stopped making the effort to communicate and reconnect with each other. They took each other for granted. They let their spark disappear. How you circumvent that is to set a solid foundation from the get go with better relationship building habits: • Make the routine effort to reconnect, even on the small stuff. • Address and resolve misalignments sooner and at their root cause. • Build a safe space to talk about anything and everything in your relationship. • Create dedicated alone time together and apart. …and this is the most important belief to have: It’s never “you vs me”. It’s always “us vs the situation”.

Psst, did you know that feeling worthy is an internal state of mind? It has nothing to do with the external world. The best part is that this is an internal decision you can make… right now and you can become it… right now, too. No, you do not need anything outside of yourself to make this decision. Just decide that you ARE worthy of your dreams, desires, goals, wishes, needs, and wants. All of that can be yours. …because you believe that you are worthy of being, doing, and having them all.

I am so sore and bruised up. …but the accomplishment of completing Tough Mudder was exhilarating. I didn’t have a full idea of what I was getting myself into when I said “yes”. It was muddy. I wasn’t graceful. I wasn’t in shape. I didn’t look picture perfect. I was just taking one step at a time, going at my pace, and knowing what I am and am not capable or willing to do (Yup, I did bypass some of the obstacles). I believed in myself. All I knew for sure was that I was going to cross that finish line and get a medal, shirt, and headband… with my boyfriend by my side. Then absolutely celebrate with a delicious lunch, too! That’s what I kept in mind throughout the experience. Take this same energy into dating. You don’t know what will happen and who you’d meet. But it’s the trust in yourself, taking one step at a time. Trust that you can wisely discern the best decision for you. Trust how you want to be treated. Trust your boundaries. Trust your values. Trust what you want is possible. Trust your Love Vision. Fear and doubt are normal but they don’t have to stop you from taking action and going after what you want. It’s in the journey that you learn who you are and what you’re capable of. Don’t sell yourself short and give up before you even try. Ask for help and find the support you need. You don’t have to do it alone. Believe you can do it. Believe you CAN find love. Believe you are worthy and deserving of love. Your beliefs are what manifests into your life.

I’m far from being an athlete. …and this is what I learned from doing my first ever Tough Mudder today. (Hey, use this strategy while dating as well) At first look, an obstacle can look daunting. Your mind can tell you “oh, hell no”. That obstacle is only challenging and difficult in your own mind. When you believe you CAN overcome it, you DO. BUT when you realize that you don’t have to do it all alone. When you have a supportive community who believes in you and willing to lend a hand, that once daunting obstacle becomes more doable and you feel more empowered …because you overcame and got it done! ➡️ Treat dating the same. You don’t have to do it alone. Find supportive friends or a coach to help you see things in your blind spot or encourage you through rough moments. So stop hiding yourself away. Brave the dating scene to find the love you’ve always wanted. Love is ABSOLUTELY worth it. (Psst, I wouldn’t have done a Tough Mudder without my boyfriend there to support and encourage me. He has given me courage to try things outside of my comfort zone.)

This is what lit me up today: The adrenaline high from flooring it and whipping my body around a gokarting race track. Smile ear to ear. Body buzzing with energy. Feeling alive! What are you doing to make yourself happy and highly magnetic?

I used to be a people pleaser who avoided setting boundaries like the plague. Now they feel like casual convos and I’ve been thanked for expressing my boundaries. No yelling. No fighting. No negative consequences. Yes, you logically understand that setting boundaries is beneficial, but actually taking action on it feels like a whole other story, right? Mix in feeling insecure. Mix in fears of getting hurt. Mix in uncertainties of what reaction you'll get back. It feels like a chemical reaction waiting to go wrong. Setting and enforcing boundaries can feel like a ticking time bomb for an argument to blow up, resulting in being rejected and abandoned. The part of me that doesn’t feel good enough would brace for the shoe to drop, waiting for him to ruthlessly rub coarse salt all over my tender wound. I was preparing myself to hear... "You’re wrong" "You’re being ridiculous" ”You’re being too sensitive" "You’re asking for too much" All with an undertone of "what you want isn't possible" Just the thought of all that would put my sensitive inner child into a fetal position. I’d want to go into avoidance mode, just so I wouldn’t have to experience any of this potential pain. BUT something changed... I noticed whenever I left a relationship, I would feel such a sense of relief and freedom. I felt like I could be myself again without the constraints and overhead of a partner telling me what I could and couldn't do. I realized I wasn't allowing myself to be who I really was in those relationships. I realized I allowed my boundaries to be trampled over as if they were meaningless. I realized not standing up for myself was THE common problem I played a part in. So when I gave myself permission to set my boundaries upfront and communicate them clearly in a more receptive way, things got better. Yes, I was timid and uncertain at first. But when I realized that none of my worst case scenarios happened and he was receptive to what I shared, our relationship improved. He actually thanked me for showing up in the way I did. He was glad that I shared my boundaries with him …as that gave him the courage to share his, too. I could be myself more. I was treated with more respect. We were dealing with the same issues less or no more. I no longer felt trapped or helpless in my relationship. Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be that scary or an ultimatum. It can just be a conversation. A chat so you can stop feeling frustrated, mistreated, and having your needs ignored. Yes, YOU have the ability to do something about this that is within your control. It just requires you to do things in another way …and these subtle tweaks made the biggest differences! If you’re ready to change how you set boundaries or make the whole process easier, DM me “BOUNDARIES”.

How are you TRULY feeling right now? Be honest. Lying to yourself and pretending it isn’t an issue led you to your current results. Face it with blunt, no bs honesty. Face it to make the pivot you need. Face it because you know you can have better.

Boundaries are just preferences. They’re only hard to express and set because you are scared to stand up for yourself and declare your own needs. Reread that again.

If you’re sick of being treated in a particular way, that means there’s a boundary you’ve failed to put in place. Your frustration, annoyance, anger, or avoidance are all signs that something’s not right with you. Face it and talk it through. Don’t wait until you blow up.

You could obsess over someone and think it’s love, but it's really something else underneath. Instead of seeing them for who they really are, you are projecting what you want onto them to fill an internal void or selfish need. Address the obsession to loosen its grips on you.

Hey, did you hear? Someone told me you’re pretty awesome, and I wanted to make sure you’re aware of that. So keep being you. No one can do that as well as you can.