Miss M

I am doing my Bible study that I begun in January and I am in the book of Numbers… You see, while reading the story of the children of Israel from Egypt… I just become mad like, what is wrong with these people? God showed them everything. He delivered them from slavery. He parted the sea. He fed them when there was no food. He led them with a cloud by day and fire by night. What more proof did they need? But then… just a little hunger… just a little discomfort… just a little fear… And they start murmuring again. Complaining. Doubting. Forgetting. And as I kept reading… something shifted. It stopped being about them. It became about me. Because how many times have I done the same thing? How many times have I panicked over bills… like God has never provided before? How many times have I stressed over food… like yesterday’s provision didn’t happen? How many times have I run to people… begging, explaining, exhausting myself… while forgetting that my help has never truly come from man? The truth is painful… but necessary. Sometimes we don’t lack evidence of God’s faithfulness — we lack memory. We forget too quickly. We forget the prayers that were answered. We forget the doors that opened. We forget the days we had nothing… and somehow still made it through. And just like the children of Israel… we allow present discomfort to erase past miracles. But God has been consistent. Even when I had no stable income — I survived. Even when things didn’t make sense — He made a way. Even when I didn’t know how tomorrow would look — He carried me through today. So why do I still worry like I am alone? Why do I still act like God is only faithful in the past… but absent in the present? Maybe the wilderness is not the problem. Maybe the problem is what the wilderness is revealing in me. A heart that still struggles to fully trust. A mind that easily forgets. A spirit that sometimes looks at the situation more than it looks at God. But today… I choose differently. I choose to remember. I choose to remind myself that if God fed me yesterday, He will feed me again. If He made a way before, He will make a way again. If He sustained me without a clear source, then He doesn’t need one now. God has never failed me. Not once. So I refuse to let temporary lack make me forget eternal faithfulness. Lord, help me not to be like Israel — seeing Your hand, yet still doubting Your heart. Teach me to trust You… even when I don’t understand. Teach me to rest… even when things are uncertain. Teach me to remember… even in the wilderness. Because the same God who brought me this far… is not about to leave me now.