Bitter Ass Server

If a restaurant or bar goes out of business, typically the servers find out the day they try to show up for their shift and are told to go home or show up to locked doors and a note. Why is it acceptable in our industry that our jobs can ghost us like a bad Tinder date?

Damn, it’s almost to the point of insulting. I’d be thinking “3 days in a row, did I forget to shower or something? Why the fuck don’t they want me in there making $$$?!”

If you ever feel like sexual harassment is dead in America, become a waitress and/or hostess at a restaurant and simply walk through the kitchen.

I couldn’t afford my bills BEFORE all the restaurants closed.

About to pick up some shifts at Joe Exotic’s pizza place.

I need someone to quarantine these bills.

I’m working on a pre-hostess kiosk for the front door. It asks “do you plan on tipping appropriately today?” Say yes, it leads you to the hostess. Say no, a trap door springs open and sends your ass to McDonalds.

If elected in 2020, I will make it a law that if a couple is on a 1st date at a restaurant, the signed credit card slip must be put face up so the date can see the tip.

You know you hate your job when you secretly hope you get #coronavirus and get to be quarantined at home for a week.

There’s the Academy Awards for movies, the Tony awards for plays, but where are the awards for servers? I know some servers that could act Meryl Streep out of the fucking water when they’re talking/smiling to customers.

What am I supposed to do at work whenever Instagram is down? Actually work?! Fuck that! I’ll go back to complaining on Twitter before I’ll do that.