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Pseudo Cyd

@Cyd10e

In search of logic, wit and amusement wherever it can be found... In other words, just killing time.

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Joined March 2009
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  • Followers4.1K
231Media
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Beware of the trailblazers who carry their own matches and accelerant.
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Everyday, the entire male population of the world utter these same word . . . "I’m sorry, I guess I was wrong, dear."
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Pseudo Cyd retweeted
DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) profile picture
DaddyJew@DaddyJew30 Oct 2024
Me: please give me 6 hours of sleep Body: best I can do is 2 with constant interruptions
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It’s pronounced adulthood, the “you will talk about the weather every day for the rest of your life” is silent.
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My kid: Mommy, why am I sick again? Me: *thinking back to him doing the worm on the floor at walmart* probably because you didn’t finish your broccoli last night.
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Me: I haven’t been able to finish a sentence or a thought in 7 years. My oldest: Hey, I’m 7! Me: Imagine that…
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Last night my husband rolled over in his sleep and I heard him mumble ‘she ate all the cheese.’ You guysss he dreams about me.
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My toddler woke up from his nap and burst into tears, when I asked what was wrong he sobbed ‘I JUST LOVE TO SLEEP SO MUCH’ and I’ve never related to anything more.
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Me: *raps hand on counter* hit me. My husband: *slides me another Reese’s.*
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‘I plead the fifth’ but it just me leaving every conversation I don’t want to be a part of
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Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me
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Lawnmowers should explode if they’re started before 10am.
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One minute you’re young and carefree, and the next you’re the office translator for 80s movie references no one else gets.
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Not to brag but I’m fairly certain that I’m the anchor being of my universe.
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Pseudo Cyd retweeted
Darla (@ddsmidt) profile picture
Darla
@ddsmidt3 Oct 2024
I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.
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Subway employee: six inch or footlong? Me: I'm holding out for a hero.
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A woman at the gym called me handsome so I guess I’m getting married you guys.
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Anyone know how many calories you burn while arguing with your kids about cleaning their rooms? Like, 10,000? I think it’s 10,000.
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It goes a long way with me when people actually walk their talk.
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Learn to let go of what does not ask to be held.
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I just told my daughter, “It’s 11:11 make a wish!” To which she replied, “My wish is that you go to the eye doctor because it’s 11:17.”
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