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It's 2027 in the Bay Area. You take a driverless Uber to the polyamorous meetup to chill with your bros. 40% of attendees have the measles
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Joe Buck: Man Troy is Caleb williams special or what?
Troy Aikman: I’m going to hurt you Joe. I’m going to hurt the people closest to you and then I’m going to hurt you.
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JD Vance: we can fix hospitals by making everyone speak English.
RFK: sick people should go to a sauna instead of the ER.
Trump, onstage, mid-stroke: I’ll swallow it all. Euur ah doctor. Help me I can’t do it -ah. Surgery at the library. Huge hog on this guy, by the way.
moonman retweeted
even if we all get our dicks ripped off by robots like fuckin honeysuckles, how crazy is it that we get to live through it. there were like 1k year stretches where mfs just started fires and gathered shit and then died. and here we are like the white trash jetsons.
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That moment when you have to tell your kid the Flintstones died before Christ’s sacrifice and cannot enter God’s kingdom
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Sometimes I eat dinner over the sink.
Jaylen Brown says he bought a gold harp, and now has someone come over twice a week to play it as the sun goes down while his chef cooks dinner
“My favorite purchase, I think my best, my most favorite purchase was, I bought a harp. I bought like a gold harp. I got it upstairs too…”
“I got a harpist that come play like twice a week. While the sun is going down, chef is in the kitchen. You know what I mean? Just…”
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"Hot Girl Summer" is over. Welcome to "Small Penis Fall." trib.al/3lNer4z
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“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL HIM, LARRY?!”
Larry David Saw O.J. Simpson at a Country Club the Day Nicole Brown Simpson Was Killed
According to a new biography, the 'Seinfeld' showrunner and Simpson both ate breakfast at Riviera Country Club on June 12, 1994.
rollingstone.com/tv-movies/t…
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explaining to cam skattebo that he won’t be able to play with jaxson anymore using the same hand signals they used to tell koko the gorilla her cat died
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Sometimes it feels like Millennials, who were born after the lead poisoning but before the algorithms, are the only truly sane generation.
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Trump supporters: Trump is a lucid genius, smarter than men half his age.
Trump: on 9/11 one of the planes hit me
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I'm watching the matrix and neil and infinity are having sex its such an emotional moment sometimes I forget its a movie
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BREAKING: Two lions are reportedly on the loose in Indiana, with authorities “unsure of where the lions even came from.”
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"I love bald men. Just because you've lost your fuzz, don't mean you ain't a peach."
