Buyout Parody Coach of the Year + Heisman Winning Parody Coach + Black Jesus & Black Bear + Purveyor of #TheSumlinVIPRoom = Jive Kevin Sumlin! Not Kevin Sumlin
Houston, TX
Joined December 2011
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Almost heaven, Houston strip clubs
Treasures, Men’s Club, & The Ritz
Boobs are big there, bigger than double D’s
Coaches like ‘em dumber, blowing hundos like a breeze
Houston roads, take me home
To the place I belong
Bottle service, mountainous mamas
Take me home, Houston roads
My boy @Holgorsendana is keeping the same daily coaching routine he’s always had in order to remain in game shape for his next gig.
He slept in and woke up with two blondes he met in a hotel bar last night. He’s proving his critics wrong - he still remembers how to score.
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What keeps me from getting pissed off about being a UFL head coach is Hennessy, #SumlinsAngels, and being grateful that my career didn’t flame out like @JiveTomHerman’s.
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Houston, you’re welcome! Apparently my postgame handshake with Todd Graham was epic. Unfortunately I have no recollection because I coach better when blacked out. It “relaxes” me.
Today, in 2009, No. 13 Houston scored twice in the last 21 seconds to stun Tulsa, 46-45. Matt Hogan drilled a 51-yarder at the buzzer to win it.
Our 3-part story, video, Hogan’s recollections, and an oral history of stick it in your pipe and smoke it!
gocoogs.com/matt-hogan-the-k…
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It’s been 9 years and my Aggies still miss having my red ass on the sideline and sure as hell miss #SumlinsAngels at #TheSumlinVIPRoom. Jimbo and Elko aren’t even 3/5ths the coach #BlackJesus is.
Ballabina and Hegar can’t handle the truth!
You GD right I ordered the lap dances!
Just came out of a 3 week holiday bender/blackout. Found a “Welcome to the Houston Gamblers” email in my inbox.
What the hell did you do to me @JimmySexton9 ?
Doing lines with McAfee.
Getting him prepped for the kicking contest.
He has no idea what he’s in for in the #SumlinVIPRoom after the game.
He’ll be naked and crying in the corner when he finally comes down Sunday afternoon.
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Hey @JimmySexton9, I’m taking the Ole Miss Chancellor’s wife to Vegas.
The job will be mine and her toes will be permanently curled.
Everyone wins!
#Yessir
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High on my list of goals is getting a fat buyout from LSU.
Help a brother out @JimmySexton9!
Hey @JiveTomHerman, I heard you're heading to the Dirty Third.
I got nothing else going on, let's make it a two for so we can really get a rise out of the crowd at TDECU Stadium.
Will be my first time back since I blacked out on the visitor's sideline versus Major Applewhite.
It was great being back on campus yesterday!
Public Intoxication. Aggie Park. Contacted subject eating a sandwich with a water jug of whiskey. BAC was .337. Released to EMS. #BTHOflorida
Sumlin Claus is coming to town! Look for me and Sumlin’s Angels as we make the rounds spreading Christmas cheer (cash only).
My Coupe De Ville backfires so don’t shoot back! Thanks and Gig ‘Em!
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