MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) header
MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) profile picture

MamaFizzles

@MamaFizzles

I grew 7 humans so I don't ever have to do anything again. https://teapaw.org/t.co/LWQxm4QROm

 United States
Joined November 2015
  • Tweets11.8K
  • Following939
  • Followers4.3K
Sometimes I find a random screw lying around my house and I just assume it's from my life falling apart.
28
655
14
1,226
Thank you @LurkAtHomeMom @MamaFizzles @WalkingOutside @mommajessiec @chuuew @sarcasticmommy4 @copymama @HenpeckedHal @Divergentmama @Lhlodder for sharing your parenting tweets with me. I had so much fun. 🥰 youtu.be/zQeamZjn16c
18
11
1
30
Parenting books never teach you how to talk sense into your kid about the really difficult stuff. Like just bc the pants have stripes and the shirt has stripes doesn’t mean they go.
3
18
1
164
Did my child attempt to cross the Sahara desert, and collapse, unable to make it? Or did they struggle to throw a wrapper in the kitchen trash? It’s impossible to tell.
5
104
5
479
you can steal from Sears now no one will even stop you
6
59
176
There is a junk drawer in my kitchen that contains no less than 68 pens. However, I cannot recall ever purchasing any.
2
14
67
Eau de toilette, parenting version: the smell wafting from the tower of peed-in Pull-ups you just found stashed in your kid’s bedroom closet.
1
6
12
My favorite time of day is whatever time everyone is being quiet.
3
49
125
Ariana Grande with a ponytail: -fierce -fashun -thirty n flirty n thriving me with a ponytail: -young colonial boy -eager to serve -ready to die for his country if necessary
71
17,155
228
74,367
You know that thing where your daughter has been talking for so long that your eyeballs actually start to buzz & then you realize that she's only 3 years old & you're not really sure how you're ever going to make it until she becomes a teenager & stops talking to you altogether?
3
23
4
92
MamaFizzles retweeted
SpacedMom (@copymama) profile picture
SpacedMom@copymama18 Jan 2019
I hate when I’m halfway through typing a long word and I know I’ve strayed too far but I just keep typing random letters hoping auto-correct will save me and it’s just like, “comtkivsref? nah, bitch, you’re on your own”
24
280
13
1,294
The person in front of me in the McDonald's drive thru line just ordered fries with no salt and a water bottle. New year's resolutions are hard, huh?
1
5
40
Every minute of parenthood is so precious...hold on a second....STOP DRAWING ON THE COUNTER!!!...and should be treasured.
2
41
88
Fun fact: When my wife is out of town, we get 100% less packages delivered
8
31
5
196
There, Their and They’re? AMATEUR Show me you know the difference between Effect and Affect, then we’ll talk.
159
474
41
2,384
Yes, I know you're an introvert. You told me 100 times.
5
249
3
460
MamaFizzles retweeted
SpacedMom (@copymama) profile picture
SpacedMom@copymama12 Jan 2019
I live in fear of the things I may have agreed to while absent-mindedly saying “uh-huh” to my kids.
10
101
2
320
4 year old /fôr/yir/ōld noun A creature that only moves slowly if they are walking in front of you.
4
23
2
99
*Popping a balloon that has been in my living room for over a month* Sorry kids, but it doesn’t bring me joy.
5
24
122
Husbands: because what we all really want is to be slapped on the ass while we're bending over picking up everyone's shit off the floor.
9
53
6
254
Everyone is all "get rid of anything that is adding clutter to your life" ...until you actually try to do it. Then they're all like "excuse me, ma'am, you can't desert your kids in this McDonald's parking lot"
10
2
57
Load more