saabu

I did learn this with probably an hour or so to give before going on stage and I am glad I had the opportunity. It is nice to be challenged instead of getting into comfort zones of having hours to know a song enough to play with the words, the tune. Am I still a student eager, sincere enough to do what I should as a professional as well? Deliver even if it is not perfect for me? I am hyper critical of my singing in an acidic, corrosive way. I am perhaps the worst cursing critic of myself - that voice plays in my head whilst I am singing. Perhaps it is my mother’s voice that rarely if never, praised me because she wanted to keep me grounded. Perhaps the sole reason I have a massive imposter syndrome and dont think its ever going to change. Maybe that’s necessary for who I am as a singer, maybe not. I ll never know. Though I say so myself, 25 years of being a professional singer doesnt make me any more confident than the first time I sang on a stage in Delhi for Sangam Kala Group (and won for Ghazal) or singing Thesulavudhe on Sun TV. Improvisations, to me, needs time to become friends with the song. Maybe next time I would sing it differently maybe I wont. But all that I know- I love singing. And thats all that matters.