Relationship advice from Baltimore’s most sane (and most dateable) special agent. 🌈🍖 18+ NSFW
Joined November 2020
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Ask Will Graham retweeted
He's insane for this and it's a guy whose dark urges could write poetry in blood.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
Celebrate the knockoff Habsburg playing pretend in his blood diamond hat with a feast to remember.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
Writers deserve to reap the fruits of their labor, and anyone who complains about their shows being delayed is going in the Cuisinart.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
How many times have I said 'Don't lick that it's going on the table.' Guys. Please. There's eight of you, one of me, and I don't know where my husband is to help lift this into the kitchen.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
Time to open up my Rolodex and arrange a rapid unscheduled disassembly for the mechanic who overcharged me for fixing the Bentley.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
When the FBI is persecuting me for my harmless and whimsical hobbies, this is who they're targeting:
Ask Will Graham retweeted
Follow your heart to someplace warm and full of culture, preferably without extradition treaties.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
You might be struggling now, but at least you didn't ruin your life for a surly FBI agent who owns five pairs of hip waders.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
I would like to wish my trans friends a lovely weekend and a full Rolodex.
Please feel free to post mutual aid links or promote your favorite trans rights organizations in the comments.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
If you love someone, you should simply tell them rather than stabbing them.
(I was surprised too.)
Ask Will Graham retweeted
Relationships need a variety of responses. Sometimes you let evolution happen. Sometimes you cultivate. Sometimes you give up and come back. But you don’t reach ‘become him on the field of battle’ and ‘ready to run away with him, always’ without every painfully honest part of you
Ask Will Graham retweeted
The 5 love languages:
- metaphors
- blood splatter
- elaborate bondage-themed revenge fantasies
- epic Greek poetry
- inconvenient compassion
Ask Will Graham retweeted
All FBI profilers do is go fly fishing, drink whiskey in the dark with their dogs, have the rippling curls of Adonis, and lie.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
It’s just you and the dogs. And yet. In the corner of your eye, one of them’s been to the door too many times. And you know why. You know who they’re thinking about. And he probably feeds them homemade sausages when you’re not looking. And. Hell. You'd like to be that lucky.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
Remember, you're only human. That means you will make mistakes and also that you taste delicious with bearnaise sauce.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
'I'm married to that asshole' would literally and figuratively describe our relationship so well. If not for his standards about vulgarity.
Ask Will Graham retweeted
A wise man once posed a question involving whiskey and Will Graham's ankles.
The answer, of course, is zero.