@awkwardenabled

This place is wild.

 Instagram
xitter.cf/search?q=from%3Aawkwardenabled%20exclude%3Areplies&src=typdR
Joined January 2012
  • Tweets63.6K
  • Following771
  • Followers9.6K
5.8KMedia
philip lewis
@Phil_Lewis_1 Oct 2025
Jimmy Fallon plans to “keep my head down” and avoid politics on “The Tonight Show”: The show has “never really been political” variety.com/2025/tv/news/jim…

Jimmy Fallon Plans to ‘Keep My Head Down’ and Avoid Politics on ‘The Tonight Show’: ‘We Hit Both...

Jimmy Fallon says he plans to "keep my head down" and avoid politics on "The Tonight Show."

variety.com
772
72,249
795
514,554
12,799,460
my son said he has a hard time falling asleep because his brain keeps sending him notifications, and that’s the best description ive ever heard
21
133
7
1,358
25,987
Being consequenced for calling a coworker a flibbertigibbet is unfortunately ironic as I am also a flibbertigibbet
1
9
521
“Just for the sake of argument” is another way to say “hypothetically I’m an asshole”
4
25
1
77
3,343
It’s not the heat that’ll get you, it’s the me complaining about the heat
9
85
5
502
14,139
Melissa retweeted
brent@murrman523 Jul 2025
me seeing friend buying two hot dogs: two huh? ol double dog. the two dog kid. friend who remembers when I tried to eat healthy in 2017: ok lentils
13
517
31
13,958
289,570
You can't scare me, I've lived in Ohio AND New Jersey
3
14
1
61
2,163
Don't fuck with me, I'll eat a well done steak just because.
3
38
1
112
4,509
Several days ago an apple fell from the tree while my brother Dan was under it and now at least twice a day he waits for 5-15 minutes under the tree for the possibility of an apple
74
1,271
113
45,715
608,375
A lot of men are insecure about their height but not me, I’m 5’9” and I’m okay with it. I’ve been 5’11” since high school and never had issues dating. Now days when women find out I’m 6’2” it’s not a deal breaker because they value my other qualities, not just my 6’5” stature.
4
4
23
811
Girl I work with spilled her chipotle all over her keyboard and I says "I think you want adobe on your computer, not adobo." She didn't get it
3
3
1
12
872
Melissa retweeted
Tim Walz
@Tim_Walz3 Feb 2025
Elon Musk is a terrible president.
35,816
79,114
5,624
721,253
33,781,709
People get real uncomfortable when I call it the Post Orifice
3
4
14
1,048
Spotify opened at work and I forgot my air pods at home and Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy (1941) began to play on max volume I'd rather it have been porn they're calling me Gladys
168
1,846
154
45,126
1,160,793
local bands be like “big things coming soon!!” and it’s allegations
42
2,873
276
43,922
1,264,886
Girls forget real quick that Luigi has a mansion
263
12,055
326
120,558
Twitter fires 80% of employees, hate speech is at an all time high, and stocks tank. Now, Twitter plans to remove block feature that will get the app booted from the app store. I'm no business strategist, but damn... Maybe congress will bail ol musky out again lol
1
1
325
Me: "What are those things in your ears?" Friend: "They help me hear. I'm not completely deaf, though." Me: "So you have hearing HIV and not full blown hearing aids." Friend: "... what?" Me: *deep breath* "SO YOU HAVE HEARING HIV AND NOT FULL BLOWN HEARING AIDS."
29
206
16
592
Coworker in her mid 60s neglected to silence her phone gentle reader her ringtone is WAP
7
3
65
1,484
a handjob is like a granny smith apple not your first choice but you thank the lunch lady anyhow
44
279
8
1,168
Load more