Bob Cobb retweeted
I find it strange how “we’re all sinners” comes up so quickly when a powerful man needs forgiveness, but so slowly when a stranger needs compassion.
My first and last day as a tour bus guide:
"and to your left is Bed Bath & Beyond which is Korean for 'muffled fart'"
Bob Cobb retweeted
I clicked through the updated terms of service without reading them and now the Peacock roku app has my power of attorney
I don't know why this just popped into my head but I have always thought the Porsche 944 was one of the coolest looking cars ever made.
Bob Cobb retweeted
Why do washers and dryers get a cool jingle but microwaves still have the Chernobyl radiation alert chime?
Bob Cobb retweeted
I don’t give a damn about Gail’s forced winds. As long as her flatulence doesn’t slow down my arrival I should be there by Tuesday depending on the weather.
Bob Cobb retweeted
Anyone else try to synchronize their blinkers with the car in front of you. Or are you normal.
Bob Cobb retweeted
Listen, we’re talking about my meltdown right now. Ok, see this ain’t your meltdown so don’t try to piss all over MY meltdown, you piece of shit.
Bob Cobb retweeted
Well I’m a vampire hunter now. There’s gonna be a time when innocent people may get very hurt. This is the world now. They’re all just collateral damage compared to the chaos those motherfuckers are about to unleash.
RIP Craig.
Bob Cobb retweeted
If you can’t stand living alongside people of different races, religions, and backgrounds, what makes you think you’ll enjoy heaven?
Bob Cobb retweeted
On this date 10 years ago, I sent Adele my infamous ‘if we ever meet, I’d love to take you to a Costco for a hot dog and a Coke’ letter…
Bob Cobb retweeted
Late stage capitalism:
A supermarket throws perfectly good food in the dumpster, pays its workers so little they can barely afford groceries, then asks customers to donate to the food bank at checkout.
And we're supposed to admire how fucking efficient this system is.
Bob Cobb retweeted
If Die Hard is a Christmas movie then The Catcher in the Rye is just a quaint little Christmas tale that we all read to our Christmas in the name of our sweet Lord then, huh? Doesn’t quite work does it? No, and neither does Die Hard so shut up about it already.











