Rakeeb Rafeek

In India, when someone does something not acceptable socially or in a civic sense, we are quick to say "they are like that" and move on. We need to develop a culture of "impromptu benevolent protest" against such behavior. But always give the benefit of doubt to someone causing an issue, yet just let them know it is not the right thing to do. And others in the vicinity must get ready to back it up if you see a good samartian take an issue with someone. Let's say someone is spitting on the road, 9 of 10 will move on thinking "why bother telling that guy." One loner may get really riled up and take a confrontational approach. Both the 9 and the 1 are right. Even the guy spitting in a corner may be right, in the case he is someone who never spits, and probably was choking on something and had to get it out. We may never know. The attitude to have in such a case should be that of a non-confrontational approach. To let them know people are watching and it is not right. Let them know with something like "Are you OK? I saw you spit at the corner. Children play around here." Just guilt trip them in a friendly way and they will make their changes over time. I do this myself to people and invariably they change soon enough. One guy who was talking on phone loudly next to a hospital ward at night even apologised to me few days later when he saw me at the car park. Similarly, long ago, I was told by one lady in a very friendly way that I was not holding doors for people behind me. And since then, for decades, I have always held the door and lifts for people behind me. No matter they take a minute to come through. All of us can change for the better and a little friendly social push by one nice person can bring about this change. And if three people around just stop to look at a person disapprovingly, their attitudes tend to change. A genuine person will always apologize and move on. And we need to let them go. This sort of social pressure can work wonders in instilling a community civic sense. Just think about the last time your neighbor did something unacceptable? Like say backing up their car with full backup music on at the middle of the night, or dumping their garbage on the street, or letting their dog sh1t outside your home, on your street, without cleaning up? And you remained silent because you didn't want to get into an "issue with them?" This is where the Indian society fails. There are a large number of people in India who are law abiding and care about their city, neighbourhood, and everything. But we let the few bad apples define what we are, with impunity, without that social pressure. Next time, you see someone do something like throwing trash on the road or speed in your local street, make sure to let them know it is causing you discomfort. And in a non-confrontational friendly way. If they still do it, or get confrontational, get other good samartians to support you and challenge them. The society will change itself one mohala at a time. India will change. I am not saying everyone will change. And we must let go of those ones without getting into trouble. But most will change to conform to their society. Now, for a start, please don't reply telling me how this won't work. Such pessimism guiding our inaction is the biggest issue. A lot of scientific studies show this works. I will leave it at that.