@shellenger

Life Coach to the Criminally Insane https://xitter.cf/t.co/EgFY1EzaqU

 The Recesses of your Mind
Joined October 2018
  • Tweets12K
  • Following1.6K
  • Followers2.3K
191Media
Oysters are an aphrodisiac because they figure if you swallow that, you'll swallow anything
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Shellenger retweeted
Daz?@HomeProbably14 Sep 2019
Love is a complicated toxin.
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This weed was in a crevice that was really hard to get into and I wanted to make sure the roots came out so I tried to use my wife's eyebrow tweezers but dropped them in the crevice, now I have to pretend I don't even know what tweezers are.
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I sleep with my reply guy.
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Shellenger retweeted
Laurie ♥@retsebez14 Sep 2019
Forget all the reasons why it won't work and believe the one reason why it will......
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fírє вurns@h2_eh13 Sep 2019
If you walk in an erratic zigzag pattern no one at the office can see you.
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There needs to be a word that’s not as gross sounding as “panties” but not as geriatric sounding as “underwear.”
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He looked like 10 miles of bad road so I took another way.
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Sometimes silence is the best music.
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You gotta know your worth even if it gets a little lonely sometimes.
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I'd be so fucked without music
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Don't make me like you. You wouldn't like me when I like you
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