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Jane, actually

@MaidOfBeans

Wake me up when the mothership arrives. https://teapaw.org/t.co/eMxuk4co7f

Joined March 2021
  • Tweets27.2K
  • Following1.4K
  • Followers4.3K
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Photo by Jane, actually (@MaidOfBeans)Photo by Jane, actually (@MaidOfBeans)Photo by Jane, actually (@MaidOfBeans)Photo by Jane, actually (@MaidOfBeans)Photo by Jane, actually (@MaidOfBeans)Photo by Jane, actually (@MaidOfBeans)Photo by Jane, actually (@MaidOfBeans)
Women aren't that complicated, all we need is a really good murder show and a comfortable bra.
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How sad that kids nowadays will never get to experience the exhilarating joy of almost choking to death on a coin your grandma hid in a figgy pudding.
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How many gray sedans in a parking lot is too many? Should I go to a different Walgreens?
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Jane, actually retweeted
ES (@ESXIII) profile picture
ES
@ESXIII14 Jan 2025
A lot of tenors look like they’re watching a T-Rex eat a kitten while they’re singing, but not ol’ Pavarotti. He looked like he was trying to remember where he parked his car.
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krista (@kristabellerina) profile picture
krista
@kristabellerina21 Apr 2024
Had dinner with a bunch of moms and learned a lot about myself, like I learned I can tolerate dinner with a bunch of moms when there’s a lot of alcohol involved.
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LaLaLyds (@LaLa_Lyds) profile picture
LaLaLyds@LaLa_Lyds21 Apr 2024
Easily distracted by meatballs
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I'm starting an OnlyFans but it's just me eating Aldi brand Tostitos and salsa while I'm watching Paranormal Caught on Camera
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Stu, For Real (@StuForReal) profile picture
Stu, For Real@StuForReal21 Apr 2024
Held off until after eleven to crack a beer it's called maturity
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DPW (@pondermymaker) profile picture
DPW@pondermymaker14 Apr 2024
In a shocking upset, I’m picking Antarctica in WWIII.
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floorboard (@StruggleDisplay) profile picture
floorboard@StruggleDisplay16 Mar 2024
My rescue dog is too slow to catch critters IRL bc of past trauma but when those lil paws start twitchin as she dreams…Man, I hope she runs like the wind.
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Stu, For Real (@StuForReal) profile picture
Stu, For Real@StuForReal16 Mar 2024
Woke up splintered into being again
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Amber (@Acesandraise) profile picture
Amber@Acesandraise15 Jan 2024
A perk about getting older is that I have to worry less about getting kidnapped or murdered.
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Sixteen year old me would be devastated to know how excited I am about this bean soup I'm making.
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If you need me, call me. Also, do not need me under any circumstances.
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Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) profile picture
Ghostface Kryllah@kryzazzy15 Mar 2024
Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable
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Marcmywords (@Marcmywords2) profile picture
Marcmywords@Marcmywords216 Mar 2024
I’ll try killing them with kindness at first, but then I’m moving on to Plan B.
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Stu, For Real (@StuForReal) profile picture
Stu, For Real@StuForReal16 Mar 2024
Okay brain you can stop braining now
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One of these days those accordion lessons are going to pay off and you'll be sorry you made fun of my buckled shoes.
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Stop misusing the term “narcissist.” Some people are just regular assholes
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