@StrangerTings5

On the trail of humour. Just a small town rabbit, livin' in a sarcastic world.

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Joined December 2018
  • Tweets51.2K
  • Following1.7K
  • Followers5.2K
746Media
Teacher: Can you use the word 'hotelier' in a sentence. Kid: The Marriott is more hotelier than an AirBnB. Teacher:
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My therapist says it's perfectly normal that my imaginary crush has a crush on me.
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No. I can't accept that. [me, about criticism. Not gifts]
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Smart, funny, beautiful. And other adjectives irrelevant to you.
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Swashbuckling? No. My swash is quite rigid.
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Me: That's an excrement idea. Them: You mean excellent? Me:
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boo-boo-ɾɑҍҍíԵ retweeted
Μαρια Κιτρινη@greek_heanenMay 15
Planning things for the weekend like I'm not weak when the week ends
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My boss told me to show our new potential client some T&A, which apparently meant (time and attention.)
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ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ
@iGreenGodJun 29
Adulting is just pretending you know what you’re doing until you actually figure it out… or get tired and order food again.
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boo-boo-ɾɑҍҍíԵ retweeted
Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UKJun 28
Do you tell your pets which one of them is in charge before you leave the house? Or are you normal?
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boo-boo-ɾɑҍҍíԵ retweeted
Jen@SleepEatScreamJun 29
Money can't buy happiness but it can buy an endless supply of assorted cheeses.
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boo-boo-ɾɑҍҍíԵ retweeted
Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UKJun 29
They should invent transition lenses that go darker the more the wearer loses interest so people will know when to stop talking to me
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boo-boo-ɾɑҍҍíԵ retweeted
PUNS
@ThePunnyWorldJun 29
I think wearing two different deodorants is a brilliant idea… One under each arm. But that’s just my two scents.
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My emergency box is a tiny fridge with cheese in it
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Μαρια Κιτρινη@greek_heanenMay 13
Eventually, the void will have to defend itself. Enough with the shaming
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boo-boo-ɾɑҍҍíԵ retweeted
Forward March@RunOldManJun 28
The best thing about social media is that you can meet aliens from another planet...
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Some days I just like to go outside and pretend I'm a dandelion... today is one of those days.
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Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UKJun 29
Friend: "can you just act normal here today?" Me: "well now you said that... absolutely not"
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I've designed a new font called 'Japanese Hi-fi'. It's a racial stereo-type.
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ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ
@iGreenGodJun 28
My wife and I have a very give-and-take relationship. She gives me shit… and I take it.
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Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UKJun 28
If you change every clock you own, you can pretend you time travelled and who's to say you didn't?
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