Captain Jean-Luc Dickhard

Top 10 Unforgettable Moments in Penis History

I just won the lowest hanging nuts award at this Walmart self checkout line

Hey man you producing any cool new fluids lately? Just the usual ones? Right on right on

I’m way too high to be flirting with my son’s soccer coach rn

Kicked the hookup out of my house because he couldn’t follow my Wallace and Gromit lore

Got kicked out of the orgy because I wouldn’t stop doing Abbot and Costello “Who’s on first”

Just took a severe blow to the head but it’s nothing closing my eyes and dozing off for a nice relaxing nap can’t fix

I accidentally got my tip caught in my zipper and it gave me acid flashbacks

Eating pussy with a dunce cap on

(Telling someone to get lost) why don’t you take a long suck off a short penis!

Like this tweet if you believe in the healing power of true love or enjoy watching hardcore pornography in public

Me penis has the exact look and personality of Groucho Marx

(Flirting) it’s small, leave me alone

Reviving a gay guy with poppers instead of narcan

Is your penis crinkle cut or waffle cut?

Another throat fuck Thursday spent staring aimlessly at the ceiling

Asking Grok if lesbians lay eggs