@jlock17

A reporter asked Jimi Hendrix what it was like having the greatest Twitter account in the world. Jimi said “I don’t know, you should ask Jerry Lock.”

 Deep South, so very deep
xitter.cf/search?q=from:jlock17/exclude:replies
Joined November 2012
  • Tweets76.4K
  • Following7.6K
  • Followers7.7K
579Media
Ouija board: Y-O-U-R I-N D-A-N-G-E-R Me (disgusted): You’re
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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓
@MoMohlerOct 25
All the walls in the sperm bank are load bearing walls.
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Annie Hatfield
@AnneHatfieldVOOct 25
I have deleted Facebook, which means I will no longer know who died fatter than I am, or later than I'd hoped.
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Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterOct 22
"I'll tune your banjo" is my favorite confusing way to threaten someone
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Forward March@RunOldManOct 22
Here's to anxiety, because these dumb ass posts don't write themselves folks.
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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey@MonkeysMarchOct 22
If beauty truly lies in the eye of the beholder then a lot of you folks need glasses.
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Annie Hatfield
@AnneHatfieldVOOct 22
A realtor sent a letter offering to sell my house and included a picture of it. Is this a ransom note? HAS HE KIDNAPPED MY HOUSE?
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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓
@MoMohlerOct 21
They should make a porno without sex. Just focus on the quality of the dialogue and the acting to tell a story.
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Henry 3000
@Henry_3000Oct 20
I don't mind the maddening tinnitus if it drowns out the nagging criticism of my inner monologue.
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Annie Hatfield
@AnneHatfieldVOOct 20
THEY'VE CHANGED THE ALPHABET SONG
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Three Musketeers is the only candy bar allowed for Halloween in North Korea. No caramel or peanuts past the DMZ.
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Benny 'The Pole' Rollins@citizenkawalaOct 19
I've started listening to the rap.
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Horatio Quartzjixler@QuartzjixlerOct 18
When I watch those sped up bushcraft reels of guys building wilderness shelters I like to pretend cocaine is making them move that fast.
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Any woman who wears a slutty nurse costume to a Halloween party should at least know how to do CPR and basic first aid, because when something bad happens, we’re looking to you.
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Natalie Would@_NatalieWouldOct 16
Hot male nurse said I have "great veins" so I'm thinking a June ceremony
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Hanging with the raisin girls@TheHappySlut1Oct 17
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, a cowbell at st 7:00 am youth hockey game is unnecessary.
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Forward March@RunOldManOct 15
My favorite ingredient in trail mix is the Xanax.
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Most retailers have shelf diagrams of how they arrange merchandise in stores. Dollar General looks at photos of tornado debris and says just gimme that.
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Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEricOct 15
A haunted house, but it’s full of everyone you have blocked.
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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓
@MoMohlerOct 14
My wife and I have beaten the odds by being married almost 14 years. They said a girl from a Miracle Whip family could never be happy with a guy from a mayo home.
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Beavis H. Presley@snarkboxOct 13
All public urination cases must be decided by a jury of your “peers.”
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