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Forward March@RunOldMan6h

Replying to @MikkiLeo

🙏🏽❤️

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𝙳𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚑@Noshitdelilah16h

Otis is singing to me. 🥰

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Lisa 🖤☠️@MsLisaM21h

"Grok is this true?" "Grok is this true?" All fucking day. You people are so lazy.

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Jen@SleepEatScreamOct 3

Coffee, good conversation and laughter is the perfect trifecta.

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@BeaveinflowOct 24

When you’re a Canadian, if you run out of maple syrup in your dream, you die in real life.

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Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UK18h

5 minutes are way different lengths of time while waiting for the pizza delivery compared to hitting a 5 minute snooze on your alarm

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SeaShell@DianeP89Oct 25

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Not now. I’m hanging out with the Moon and Saturn.

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AbbyDabbyBOObies

@DearAuntAbbyOct 25

Scratched the back of my earlobe, unaware of the blood on my fingers as I was on phone doing a bunch of nothing. Lamest crime scene ever.

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@_Always_around_Oct 25

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It’s not as much about going to bed alone. It’s waking up alone that hurts.

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A Million Little Things@UnseenShreds1Oct 25

The hardest truth ? Some people remember you only they need you

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Functionally Feral@FeralFerrell18h

when you grow up with people like mine you either learn to forgo outside validation or you crave it so desperately you’ll do almost anything to get it; i’m lucky i got the former

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David 🎃@DBStonerOct 24

Pull up a chair MFer, we got to talk.

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Jason Goes to Hell@benedictsredOct 24

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Halloween candy is expensive this year so I’ll just be handing out razorblades

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@Kristasunshine1Oct 25

With all the things that taste like chicken isnt it weird that eggs don't?

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Michi 💕@Dimensionchick117h

Lately I've been seeing 12:12 on the clock. Been that way for decades. 1:11, 2:22, 3:33... so on and so forth. It's one of the ways God gets my attention.

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My nephew asked what a headhunter does. I explained that I persuade people to leave jobs they claim to love. He said, “So you're a divorce lawyer for offices?”

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Maddy 👗👟👒🍃☂️@MadHatterMommy17h

Some days I just wanna go back to college and learn and learn

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Uncle Bob 🍩@UncleBob5618h

🇺🇸

I bought a robe. I never owned a robe. I may never leave home again.

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☃️SnowBelle☃️@SnowBellesHell20h

why can’t i wake up just once because you’re shoving your dick in my ass instead of with an alarm clock

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Mr.Carter@dexteristwisted16h

If a woman ever says * I just find it funny that* There's is a 99% chance she didn't find it funny

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